This might be the hardest thing for me to talk about, but I’m ready to talk!

The bible defines love in this passage:

1 Corinthians 13 New International Version (NIV)

13 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecyand can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror;then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 

This ‘love’ business isn’t for the selfish. I’m gunna take you on a little ride through my coming to understand love, so buckle up.

I always loved Ron. It was easy with him; we got along, we laughed, we cried, we kissed, we made memories.. even when his mom and dad made it difficult, it was relatively easy to love him. I always thought THAT was unconditional love… but I was waaaay mistaken.

The first time things got taken too far was my 21st birthday, and I wasn’t able to let go of that. Then they got worse, and I found out he wanted another girl. I literally wanted him gone right away. For 2 weeks, I just kept filing the papers online, then deleting it. Then, through devos and talking with my mentors, I realized it wasn’t what I wanted, or what God wanted. But by that time, Ron was ready to go, just wasn’t sure how to leave. The next 3-4 weeks sucked. I loved him when he cussed me out. I loved him when I woke up to him texting her. I loved him when he wouldn’t tell me he loved me. I loved Ron when Ron made himself Un-loveable.

After every single transgression I made it a mission to forgive him(which I sometimes failed pretty hard at). I made it a mission to fix what was wrong with myself. When he would get mad, I would make it my mission to tell him the ways that he was a good man.

When he finally did leave, I got down on my knees and I begged for him to come home. i fasted for him, which when your depressed and your comfort food is chicken and pepsi and you fast that, it sucks. FYI) I texted him once a day with how much I loved him, and a picture of us in a happier time.

In this time, I finally found out what unconditional love is. It’s loving your husband when he says mean words, or when he is having sex with another woman. It’s forgiving instantly. It’s wanting yourself to be better FOR THEM. It’s loving them at their unlovable.

Now you can say I’m crazy because he filed for divorce and is with multiple girls, and partying, but I don’t feel like that. Jesus loved us so much more than that. He went to HELL for a few days for you. And me. And Bobby-Sue. In the grand scheme of things, what I went through was nothing compared to Christ…

I’m praying for those of you that are starting to understand unconditional love the hard way. And I’m praying that if you haven’t had to discover that the hard way, you never have to.

be blessed ❤