Hey guys! It has been a few weeks, and I am so sorry. I got really depressed and I wasn’t ready to share. But I’ve been okay for a few days, and I have something I want to talk about, well, actually 2 things. THE FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS is feelings. The second is having hope, and maybe where to find it!
So the past few weeks I have realized that I haven’t been allowing myself to FEEL. I’ve been trying to be “strong”. But being strong doesn’t mean denying that you are feeling a certain way, it means that you can handle your feelings and your life(at least to me). I feel into a really bad episode of depression, and I couldn’t figure out why. Then I figured out why. I’m allowed to be angry, I’m allowed to be hurt, I’m allowed to be sad. IT IS OKAY TO FEEL. You have your emotions for a reason. YOU need to own them. Don’t let your emotions own you. It took me a few days, and lots of talking with Lisa and Dave; but I’m feeling better. And feeling better doesn’t mean those emotions are gone, it means I’m letting myself feel sad, but picking myself up and seeing the positives… which brings me to HOPE…
It’s widely known that in Hebrews there is a verse that speaks on hope. It’s a simple verse “Hope anchors the soul”. Sometimes depression can be an absence of hope. A lack of drive. The world on your shoulders. And I believe that the absence of hope is the most deadly thing a person can feel. And that’s what I was feeling. I felt like things were never getting better, like I was never getting out of this mess. And to make matters worse, I was hiding it… What a mess I had made! Feeling so low and not talking about it.
Finally, I talked about it. And Pastor Dave told me something I’m going to hold onto. In a nutshell, I need to be thankful for the people I do have. My family, my church, my friends. I was so focused on what I lost, I was not realizing what I had still.
Another thing I came to realize these past few weeks, is there is good in every day things. Sometimes, that’s all we have; nice weather, a running car, A GOD THAT LOVES US, a good hair day, a nice conversation. Some days, your hope has to come from the little things. Eventually, the little things add up and you make your own sunshine on a cloudy day.
NOBODY can take what is yours in your heart. and HOPE is REAL!
I’m praying for anyone going through a hard time. I’m praying for anyone that has no hope right now.
PS if you’re feeling depressed or suicidal; PLEASE REACH OUT. you are important.