HEY! Wow, my last blog was my mothers day blog, so it’s been awhile. I didn’t forget you my avid readers, just didn’t have much to say. But one of my closest peeps bugs me daily(the good kind of bug though). So I figured it was time to write a new one. This one is for you, “munchie boo” 🙂
I think living this life is a really hard task, it’s a task we don’t get to choose to do, but we have to. And if you live by what I do, the Bible, you also have to love humans (that’s the second hardest thing to do). And even though we try so hard to live and love the right way, sometimes it still doesn’t work out. Sometimes, you are left with a big heart that doesn’t belong anywhere. That’s me. Well. Kinda me.
I’m the “ugly” sister. I’m the avid church goer in a family that doesn’t believe with intensity. I’m the tattooed, ear stretched, heavy music loving person in my church. None of these circumstances really define my life, but they make up me. Where I come from. Where I do and don’t belong.
I think living is really hard, and I’ve really tried to give up a few times. I love with my whole heart, but I come from a family that hold grudges better than they talk. Mistakes happen, but nobody knows how to forgive. I’ve never felt like I belonged with anyone in my family. I have lived a long life of not belonging to anyone. Of not fitting in.
But, then I gave my heart to the Lord. I had an adopted family, dysfunctional as heck, but they loved me. One of those crazy people, my aunt, even took me to church. Oh yeah. That was the greatest thing of my life.
In church I found where I belong. Right in my Father’s arms. And God did me one better, He provided me with people I never knew I needed. These people have help mold me into the woman I want to become, they’ve sat by my side in the darkest hours, and they never held my mistakes against me. But always helped me learn a lesson from them.
In Gods eyes I am not the ugly sister, the weird niece, or even Marissa who made a lot of mistakes. I am His daughter who HE has called to something. A daughter He gave His only begotten son for. And He loves me so much, He gave me a family. I don’t think I ever realized how happy I could be just appreciating God’s love for me. But in realizing His love for me, I was blessed with a type of family you couldn’t make up for a movie. People that are by my side after I almost die, people who are by my side when I have to sign scary papers, people who are by my side to push me into my calling.
Since my accident, I have been a one woman epiphany machine. Everything is so much clearer. I belong with God, and God places me with the people I need. I live a life because I have to. And I choose to love because negative feelings take a lot of energy. And they don’t look pretty.
Normally, I say you don’t have to believe in God to read my blog, but I am urging anyone that doesn’t fit in, that feels unwanted, that is in a constant state of longing to look into finding God. He is waiting for you and He wants to give you more than your heart desires. God has turned this lost, weird little girl into a bold, brave, compassionate weird adult.
If you’re searching tonight, I am praying for you. I’m here for you. God is here for you.
❤ be blessed