The last 2 years I have spent in the fire. While in the fire, I have been thinking about the person I want to be.. Deeper than being a pastor, deeper than being a wife and mother. I have been think about how I want to react. How I want to minister. How I want to carry myself.
I think these thoughts come along for everyone, no matter who they are. Eventually you reach the age where you are too old to not care about it, but too young to actually know. It’s a weird phase, and my weird phase has come with lots of trail. Here is what I have concluded…
I want to be the woman that reacts in grace and mercy. When my husband had other women he wanted, I reacted opposite of that. I was angry and I was bitter. Almost 2 years later, and I realize that. I’m sorry for that. I came out of that fire smelling like smoke. Even though I smelled of the battle I was in, I came out refined. I came out knowing unconditional love. I am able to offer that now. I also learned you can be disappointed in someone but still love them the exact same and still think the same about them. Regardless of what action they may have made.
I want to be a woman that people can come to. I want to be the person that they know will show love. No matter the situation, I want to be able to love fiercely, just as Jesus did.
I want to be an honest woman, not a blunt woman. I want to speak with an honest and loving tone. I want to always tell the truth, but never with the intention to hurt someone. My tongue is a weapon, and I want to use it better.
I want to be a humble woman. I am doing very well in life right now, not in every way, but in a lot of ways. I am like an arrow that just got shot from a bow. But I want to remember that at one point, I was being held back, I was facing resistance, I was in bondage. I never want to go back there, but I never want to forget that. That is a part of my story that will help the most.
I want to minister like Paul in 1 Corinthians 9:19-23. Paul got down on other peoples level to make Jesus relatable and real for them. I want to face any human, any crowd and be able to bring them to the cross. Bring them to a moment where God will do the most significant work in their hearts.
I want to forgive as quick and as fast as God. I am human and I will hurt. But I want to not act in that hurt. I want to act in love.
I want to be a good leader, but I also want to be a good server. A good armor bearer.
I want to be all of these good things because I have seen many people in my life act gracefully, love relentlessly, humble themselves when they are wrong, forgive quickly, and serve endlessly. I am thankful for those people. I am thankful for God. I am thankful that I am coming out of the fire like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego; not burned but better. Not burned but favored. Not bitter but triumphant.
What kind of person do you want to be? What has God called you to be?
praying for every single one of my readers right now ❤