What is going on? I have tried to write so many times in the last few months, and
I finish a post, but then I just delete it or save it because it’s not what I want to say. But I’m ready to talk. I wanna talk about life and what I have learned in 24 years. You know, I never sit down and write and out in an outline, so it’s not messy.
So here it is in all of it’s glory, my messy thoughts.
It’s been a wild ride for me. Like scariest roller coaster ever without a seat belt wild. I spent a lot of my life being angry, I have spent most of my life holding onto things because I didn’t know how to give them away. It comes with forgiving myself as well as others.
Life can change in the blink of an eye. And you never know when your last time of anything will be.
I spent 3 years going back and forth between forgiving my ex husband and myself, but then being angry again. I spent 3 years missing our friendship, but not liking who he turned into and also trying to forget I was ever married. Then this past year, Ron got sick. This past week, Ron passed away. And I am filled with so much regret and guilt because I never got to tell him how I felt, aside for anger. I never got to tell him that even though I didn’t love him in the way I used to, I still cared for him and wished him the absolute best. I still wished he could have a son and coach his football team. I still wished he could be a physicians assistant. I still wished for him to have all of the good things in life because the love you share with people never really goes away.
Meredith Grey says it best… “Cause you never think the last time is going to be the last time – you think there will be more. You think you ave forever, but you don’t.” You never know what the next second will be. I was on my way home from work to shower and sleep to go back to work and I wrecked my car. 3 years later, I’m still not back to who I used to be physically.
What I have learned in the last 24 years is this:
Laugh a lot.
Cry a lot.
Love what you have and be thankful for what you had.
Tell people you love them a lot.
Tell them when you’re angry and fix things.
Smile on the sunshine days, and dance on the rainy days.
Look to God when you’re living your very best, but also when you can’t breathe and you’re drowning.
Believe in second chances and love.
Do the things you’re scared to do.
Be friends with people who are the complete opposite of you (trust me on that one)
And most importantly, when you fail, because you will, just stand back up. You are not defined by the success or failures of your life, you’re defined by God. And He calls you worthy. smart. beautiful. loved.